1/30/2024 0 Comments Tidiness in where you liveAsking a messy person to be as neat as you is unfair and unlikely to work, while a messy person should make a concerted effort to help keep a clean house.Ī good solution can include a number of things, from dividing chores based on what's natural or enjoyable for both of you, or promising not to jump to conclusions next time your S.O. The same goes in reverse- many disorderly homes are happy ones, too, and a cluttered home may seem more relaxed and comfortable to a messy person.Īfter all the talking comes the important part: creating a system that works for both of you. Sometimes, messiness can signify a larger issue, and if your significant other grew up in a household with depressed or absent parents, they may equate a lack of neatness as a lack of care. Many times, the problem goes back to the environment a person experienced growing up. As long as both parties are willing to listen, the conversation will do a world of good! They may bring up behaviors of yours that bothers them, too, and that's OK. It's easy to walk into a conversation like this with expectations for how the other person will respond (who wouldn't?), but it's important to realize it may not go quite as you planned- remember, the other person processes this particular issue differently. When you're feeling relatively calm, sit your partner down (when you both have plenty of time) and address the issue in the most constructive way possible. Times to avoid talking about cleanliness: when you're angry, frustrated or about to leave the house. When you bring up the problem is just as important as what you say during it. After all, you two coexist, and living comfortably is something both parties have a right to. That said, it's definitely important to address the issue if it bothers you. People who aren't bothered by messes don't even notice the clutter, and they generally don't leave messes sitting around intentionally. Many neat people assume that messy folks are leaving out bowls and cups in hopes that someone will clean up after them, for example, or that they simply don't care how the neat person feels, but that's almost never the case. This goes back to the inherent differences between the brain of a clean person and the brain of a messy person. If your partner doesn't even notice when the furniture gets dusty, he or she won't think to clean it. If you two have different benchmarks for cleanliness, they might not be obvious. To me, that means the towels won't dry properly, will need to be cleaned more frequently and won't last us as long." This way your partner understands why cleanliness is important to you- not just that it is.ĭiscussing your expectations is equally important. Bringing up examples can be constructive, so long as you don't do so aggressively.Ī good way to go about it? "I noticed you don't hang up your towel after you take a shower. So start at the beginning: Sit your partner down, and let him or her know that keeping a neat house is important to you and that you don't really feel they're contributing. Things that bother you, like clothing strewn on the floor or dirty dishes in the sink, might be more than untroubling to a messy person- they may be completely unnoticeable. Everyone has his or her own tendency to be clean or messy, and these tendencies run very deep. Even when you feel like your frustration (or the task you'd like them to complete) is blatantly obvious, it might not be. Your single best tool in relationship issues is communication, and the clean vs.
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